| journal musings, part IV | Write the vision;
make it plain on tablets,
so he may run who reads it.
For still the vision awaits its appointed time;
it hastens to the end—it will not lie.
If it seems slow, wait for it;
it will surely come; it will not delay. (Habbakuk 2:2-3) The last few months have been spent in the heat of the refining fires. There was so much muck and grime around my heart that needed to be burned away, that I knew there would be many hard things God would "bring up" in order to cleanse from unrighteousness. What I was unaware of until just recently, however, was that the lesson I required the most had little to do with my sin on first appearace - but everything to do with my greatest need, at heart. For so long, in so many ways, I've relied on the support and opinion (and yes, approval) of those close to me in order to make my own decisions. What is given as a means of grace - the counsel and wisdom of godly people close by - I formed into an idol. And as that idol grew in stature, it made little idol babies in the form of a real fear of man and a genuine insecurity in my worth in Christ. And so, of course, God in infinite wisdom used this time when I was already weak and laid bare to strip away that one last vestige of self-sufficiency: my ability to rely on other people. To clarify: I do not mean these people were absent or unwilling to surround me. What God removed was my personal ability to be dependent on approval from others. But God...what sweet words!...true to his marvelous character, did not merely save me from something - he saved me to something. The excruciating process of having my Savior peel away each layer of codependency and fear of man gave way to a new and enthralling freedom; I am released to rely on the One with the opinion that only, ultimately, matters. The glory that he is due, I can now (by grace) ascribe to his name each time I judge my thoughts and actions first by Scripture, instead of turning to God after I've already gathered everyone else's two cents. The vision will surely come; it will not delay. And with the delicious freedom to stand before God, the only one who judges all things, I find it's quite delightful to pursue this vision without shackles or inhibitions. | 
